Pairs Well With…”Take a Bow” by Rihanna
Where do I EVEN begin?!?! There are no words, and I am beside myself. BESIDE. My. Self. None. I never deserved to be treated this way. Ever. In hindsight, you never deserved me in the first place. And I am disgusted and sick to my stomach that I’ve encountered such bad, bad human behavior – and that doesn’t even begin to cover it. But cheating does…
Although short lived, I spent four months of my life with someone, who at one point, I loved, but today I believe it all to be a lie. Love doesn’t cheat. It doesn’t lie. And it doesn’t keep lying. Apparently, love is a word that is used quite loosely these days.
So, here I’ve been strung along for the last couple of months by someone who probably never even cared in the first place. Why not have just let me go? There are certainly way better ways to handle things without lie after lie….after lie.
A couple months back, I went to Ohio for a family trip with unfortunate circumstances: to say goodbye to my Grandma. While I was gone, and after some recent shady as hell behavior, my boyfriend at the time was
spotted busted with another girl by two of my girlfriends. After an elaborate story, six dozen roses and many hours of talking, I trusted what I was told. Silly me. It still didn’t fully negate that I was discarded, ignored and cheated on when I needed support, encouragement and love the most. What kind of person can do that without carrying any sort of guilt in their heart? Clearly, a heartless and soulless one. Sad But True
I should have trusted my gut, but I believed in him, in us, so, so much. What I believed in was actually a bunch of bullsh*t.
Life Truth #1: When something feels off, it is.
While in Ohio, trying to make sense of silence, be present for my family and process grief, I needed something. I needed a sign from The Universe. I walked out the door of my grandparent’s house, got into my rental car as I headed to the hospital and NSync’s “Bye, Bye, Bye” was on the radio that Monday morning. That should have been enough. I mean, that song hasn’t been on the radio since at least 1999!
And then I heard it again on Thursday morning. I should have known sh*t was about to hit the fan. Big time.
Life Truth #2: In life, there are no coincidences, and everything happens for a reason.
Situations like this really make me question how people can be so mean and hurtful to us special ones with great hearts. All I know is, I never deserved ANY of this. I’m a great person with a lot of love to give, and an amazing heart that was sadly taken advantage of. Why not just be honest? Why not let me go without all this extra hurt? How did this even happen, aside from the fact that you were introduced through a friend named Tinder (while dating me.) Ain’t that some sh*t.
Life Truth #3: You can’t always make sense of everything and trying to understand everyone isn’t worth the time.
I think what hurts the most is that I was asked to let my guard down, and trust my heart to be held intentionally and with care. Moments and words that I thought were real and genuine were the same lines fed to the next girl. I was “the best thing that ever happened” to just another girl from a dating app – with a quickness. Ultimately, I chose to believe and invest in someone who was simultaneously investing in someone else, which is cheating. Bad, bad human. How do people like this sleep at night and find peace of mind?
Life Truth #4: Once a cheater, always a cheater and cheating is a reflection of self-esteem and self-worth.
What’s done is done, forward I go and zero looking back. Here’s to coming back wiser, smarter, and stronger. Thank you for letting me love you so that I can see that I deserve so, SO much more, and so do all these other women. I may be bruised, but I am not broken. Never will be. Raise a glass and let’s toast – to karma sorting this sh*t out.
A dedication to anyone who has loved and lost
“And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again”
“Rise Up” – Andra Day
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