Pairs Well With…”Acceptance doesn’t mean you agree with, condone, appreciate, or even like what has happened. Acceptance means that you know, regardless of what happened, that there is something bigger than you at work. It also means you know that you are okay and will continue to be okay.” – Iyanla Vanzant
For any of you that read last week’s sassy rant, I can’t say that I’m over my funk, but…I can say that I’ve been thinking quite a bit about what’s going on in my heart and mind, and how to remove myself from it. I’ve endured a lot of hurt and loss over the last month, the kind that cuts to the core.
I’ve taken the weekend to understand the things that are going inside, and I’ve concluded that I have a hard time with acceptance, precisely the things I cannot change. This is not a new thing for me, I’ve fought it for years maybe hoping that it would show up on my doorstep with last week’s request for a skinny vanilla latte. Still waiting. (#itsnottoolate)
In my head, it plays out as, “No, that’s not the way it is. I don’t have to accept this or that. Things can change.” What I’ve realized is that things can change, but on their own time, their own terms…or life’s timing, something I have no control over. Plain and simple, I don’t like it, and it makes me want to stomp my feet and shake my fist. It’s always been “If I do…” or “What about…” By nature, I am someone who likes to
push help others grow into the potential I see in them, the potential that I know is there, even if they don’t. So, here I’ve been for years, going around trying to fix things, people and situations that may not have been ready to be resolved, really just giving myself something to do. Actually, all I did was occupy my time when I could have been doing something better, like making cookies. (Always a good use of time, by the way.)
For whatever reason, I’ve just never been the person that accepts this phrase. Clearly, this is part of my problem. To me, “It is what it is” feels like giving up where change or more effort can be made. Defeat. Quitting. Fight is over. The statement makes me feel deflated. My face scrunches just thinking about surrendering – and it makes me agitated. My mind tells me, “You’re going to have to.” But I don’t want to. “You need to.” Fine. Just…fine. (Insert deep breath here.)
Time to surrender.
Guess what else?
Someone needs a dose of her own perspective.
I think the less than thrilling part is that I have more work to do on myself, work that maybe I didn’t realize was there, and honestly, that I probably didn’t want to do over the years – but I’m willing to do it now. I’m being forced to turn the spotlight inwards, dig deep and learn a lesson. I can’t jog it off. I can’t run away from it. Time waits for no one and learning is never-ending. It starts now.
My only choice is to get on board. There’s really no other way to go…
The question is how.
How am I going to practice this and teach myself?
Little by little, and with patience I guess. Like any of my other fears or setbacks, I will work to overcome and will conquer.
Until then, as the saying goes, it is what it is.
How does one accept life’s dealings so easily, and with grace?