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Dear Future Self…

Pairs Well With… “Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything.  Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” – Unknown

Dear Future Self,

Hey Firecracker, how’s it going?  I know we haven’t been properly introduced, and I’m sure we’ll cross paths at some point, but now is a good time for me to say hello.

I’ve been thinking about you and life and wanted to reach out.  The thing about life is, you never know where it’s going to take you, who you’ll meet and where you’ll be in the next phase of your it – but I think you know all this already.  I can only imagine what you’re going to be like.  If you’re anything like me today, you work so hard, you love so hard, you dance your way through life so seamlessly.  You’re unstoppable.  It’s impossible not to see endless possibilities lying ahead waiting for you.  I anticipate you’re probably still vibrant, vivacious, clever and curious.  Don’t quit those things.  You probably still tell really bad jokes.  Now might be a good time to curb those.

What I can tell you is the minute I hand you the baton, it’s on – and your ride will be a wild one! You are not a dull soul.  You couldn’t be if you tried, so I’m not worried about that. But I do worry…

I worry that you’ll continue to spend too much energy on stupid shit, things that don’t matter, people that don’t matter.  Continue working on this.  I received a meaningful piece of advice the other week that I’d like to pass along: have boundaries.  I’m just here to relay the message, but I’ll let you figure how to put this in motion.  But think about it.

One thing you should know about me is that I hesitate in moments even when I am certain. Why?  I don’t know. But I do it and I’m working on it to be better for you.  Scare the shit out of yourself by making big moves.  Be bolder and braver in your decision making because that’s how you come out on top, that’s how you win at life.

You’re not going to want to hear this, but I’m likely going mess some things up between now and well….you.  You’ll probably end up having to clean up a mess of mine and feel the impact, even years later.   My bad and I’m sorry.  At the same time, I’ll probably make moves that will change the trajectory of your life – you’re welcome.  I’m not perfect, but then again, you won’t be either.

I do wonder, though, if one day you’ll look back in life and wish I had made different decisions, paved a different path, or lived more conventionally.  I believe that unconventional is okay at any age.  So, that’s the route I’ve rolled with.  If you don’t like it, that’s fine, choose a new adventure and keep writing the story.

My hope for you is to be great and that you squeeze every bit of happiness you can out of every day. I hope you take that month long trip overseas I’ve always wanted.  Hell, go travel for a while. Or don’t come back!  I know not traveling abroad during college was the one big regret in life.  That, and not getting bath concierge at my hotel in Nashville a few years ago. There’s still time for it all.

Whatever you do and wherever you go, don’t let materialism, greed or selfishness catch up with you.  Don’t carry hate in your heart and keep your karma clean.  Don’t let the world harden you no matter what obstacles and challenges you face.  Most importantly, don’t stop being kindhearted.

My crystal ball predicts that when you read this letter ten years from now, you will be in one of the happiest phases of your life.  It may not look like you thought it would, but I promise you, it won’t be a bad place to be.  Stay open minded and you’re going to end up someplace you never even thought was possible.  Love yourself and trust what you find around each corner.  There are things there waiting.  I know it.  I see it.  I feel it.  

Finally, when I cross your mind, I hope you reflect on me kindly and with good intentions.  You’re going to be one hell of a firecracker!

You’ve got this.

Sincerely,

Miss Present Day Self


Take the time to say all the things you’ve never said.  Click here to write a letter to your future self, child or special person in your life.  Set the year and date you want it delivered and the message will be sent automatically!

 

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I Never Saw It Coming…

Pairs Well With…”Take a Bow” by Rihanna

Where do I EVEN begin?!?!  There are no words, and I am beside myself.  BESIDE. My. Self. None.  I never deserved to be treated this way.  Ever.  In hindsight, you never deserved me in the first place.  And I am disgusted and sick to my stomach that I’ve encountered such bad, bad human behavior – and that doesn’t even begin to cover it.  But cheating does…

Although short lived, I spent four months of my life with someone, who at one point, I loved, but today I believe it all to be a lie.  Love doesn’t cheat.  It doesn’t lie.  And it doesn’t keep lying.  Apparently, love is a word that is used quite loosely these days.

So, here I’ve been strung along for the last couple of months by someone who probably never even cared in the first place.  Why not have just let me go?  There are certainly way better ways to handle things without lie after lie….after lie.

A couple months back, I went to Ohio for a family trip with unfortunate circumstances: to say goodbye to my Grandma.  While I was gone, and after some recent shady as hell behavior, my boyfriend at the time was spotted busted with another girl by two of my girlfriends.  After an elaborate story, six dozen roses and many hours of talking, I trusted what I was told.  Silly me.  It still didn’t fully negate that I was discarded, ignored and cheated on when I needed support, encouragement and love the most.  What kind of person can do that without carrying any sort of guilt in their heart?  Clearly, a heartless and soulless one.

I should have trusted my gut, but I believed in him, in us, so, so much.  What I believed in was actually a bunch of bullsh*t.

Life Truth #1: When something feels off, it is.

While in Ohio, trying to make sense of silence, be present for my family and process grief, I needed something.  I needed a sign from The Universe.  I walked out the door of my grandparent’s house, got into my rental car as I headed to the hospital and NSync’s “Bye, Bye, Bye” was on the radio that Monday morning.  That should have been enough.  I mean, that song hasn’t been on the radio since at least 1999!

And then I heard it again on Thursday morning. I should have known sh*t was about to hit the fan. Big time.

Life Truth #2: In life, there are no coincidences, and everything happens for a reason. 

Situations like this really make me question how people can be so mean and hurtful to us special ones with great hearts.  All I know is, I never deserved ANY of this.  I’m a great person with a lot of love to give, and an amazing heart that was sadly taken advantage of.  Why not just be honest?  Why not let me go without all this extra hurt?  How did this even happen, aside from the fact that you were introduced through a friend named Tinder (while dating me.)  Ain’t that some sh*t.

Life Truth #3: You can’t always make sense of everything and trying to understand everyone isn’t worth the time.

I think what hurts the most is that I was asked to let my guard down, and trust my heart to be held intentionally and with care.  Moments and words that I thought were real and genuine were the same lines fed to the next girl.  I was “the best thing that ever happened” to just another girl from a dating app – with a quickness.  Ultimately, I chose to believe and invest in someone who was simultaneously investing in someone else, which is cheating.   Bad, bad human.  How do people like this sleep at night and find peace of mind?

Life Truth #4:  Once a cheater, always a cheater and cheating is a reflection of self-esteem and self-worth.

What’s done is done, forward I go and zero looking back.  Here’s to coming back wiser, smarter, and stronger.  Thank you for letting me love you so that I can see that I deserve so, SO much more, and so do all these other women.  I may be bruised, but I am not broken.  Never will be.  Raise a glass and let’s toast – to karma sorting this sh*t out.

And….scene.

A dedication to anyone who has loved and lost

“And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again”

“Rise Up” – Andra Day

Have a dating or relationship story to share?  I’d love to hear it! Send it to pairswellwith@gmail.com